me again

i haven't written here for ages. i have been this way always, never doing a damn thing complete.
you must be asleep now and making funny little voices you always do. wanted to delete some old posts but decided to keep it that way, they are stupid but they were my thoughts at the time.
went to doc today, nothing changed for better, things aren't that good, though not that bad but when in this, you don't make a good change, it is indeed bad. i am down a bit, u might say, i have always been lost but it was easy before. now it isn't because i fear i cant find the road again, i know you, mom and many would say things differently but i know myself well. i will more likely be one of those people who go to desert and sit and wait for their death instead of having the very best moment of their life in the remaining time.